Still waters. 07/16/02
Finally things have calmed down. Seems that I write more often when there's not much happening in my life. The busy rushing about getting ready for events/parties/traveling, then being caught up in the event with no spare time or computer access -- I've had quite enough of that for a while.
So in between the two recent trips Steve lost his job. Even though we will still be able to pay rent and bills, with a bit left over for food, fuel and incidentals, a small part of me panics about not being able to afford rent on the house and having to live with someone else or in an apartment. What if we don't budget carefully enough, what if the unemployment checks are less than expected, and so on. Most of me knows better, I think it's very likely that he will find a great job relatively soon, and if he isn't worried, then I don't need to be either.
I've put my fitful half-hearted job search on hold for now, my current job is one of the few stable, reliable things among all the recent chaos. I never thought that among our group of friends that I would stand out because I'm gainfully employed. I am so used to being on the bottom of the heap in that regard, earning far less than most of us, looking up at those who had more respected jobs.
I love summer. These long days when I'll walk out to my car after getting off work and it's still light outside. I've been wearing sleeveless tops on a regular basis, which I haven't done since I was 16. During lunch break I sit in the courtyard in the sun on a bench and read while eating. At least once a week I'll walk down to the beach during lunch hour and sit on a rock reading and watching the waves, the people, the birds. So warm and peaceful, a respite from staring at screens all day.
