Workday. 08/26/02
Ah, work. I wander through the rat-maze of buildings and corridors, packed full of machines and people. My large caffeinated beverage in one hand, order bags and paperwork in the other. Now I'm stepping outside, wearing a long sleeved shirt, velvet jeans and a long sweatercoat. I'm leaving an overly air-conditioned environment and walking down the street on a hot summer day. The shock of sudden warmth feels delightful. But before my toes can thaw, I'm back inside, heading zombie-like and expressionless to my work area, going through the motions of starting up computers, scanners, printers. My hands sort through customers' orders, my mind wanders. Scans, artwork, output. Silently and efficiently my day goes by.
People walk back and forth past me, sometimes they smile or say hello. How do they see me? The reserved, aloof, hardworking girl with the wide-eyed stare? A few of the people from the lab go out to the Red Room. I feel awkward running into them there, like I want to try to be my work-self and an upbeat partyer at the same time.
I have been drinking this peppermint mocha cappuccino, and imagining myself as a white dragon breathing out clouds of steamy peppermint vapour.
My brother has been writing poetry, which reminds me of being in English composition courses where I was supposed to try and write poems. None of my stuff came out very well, I don't think I have that sort of talent. His writing is interesting so far -- a person with the same "twisted upbringing" as myself but with a different view of life.
Steve has been doing a lot of the things that have needed doing for a while -- waxing the car, washing laundry, cleaning up around the house. I am way behind on such chores myself. I am wondering if I should be feeling guilty or not. Whatever a conscience is, mine is as lazy as the rest of me. My lizard is watching me and hunting crickets in his glass house next to the computer. I love the way each of his eyes can be looking in a different direction. I'd like to be able to see behind me while looking forward, both literally and in a reflecting-upon-life sort of way. Learn from the past, plan for the future, but live in the present.
