Blog, Essays & Art

Studying the tone of my writing. 06/25/03

I think that it is impossible to really get to know who somebody is, by reading their words online. We choose which side of ourselves to show to the online world, and it can be a somewhat different version of us than the one we present to the people we live with, our family, co-workers, friends.

I am one of quite a few who use the Diaryland writing-space to vent frustrations. Steve, upon reading my last few entries here, found my writing to be surprisingly dark. "I wasn't aware that you were so dissatisfied with your life," he said. For the side of me he sees the most is my smiling, content, optimistic nature. And that is how I feel inside a lot of the time, as well as the version of myself I present to people in "real" life.

But this journal, too, is real. This is my safe place. Here I can say exactly what I think about my supervisors, or my mother. I can moan "Oh, life isn't fair, woe is me" as much as I want. I get all the complaining and frustrations out of my system, so that I can go on being a pleasant person in all the other environments of my world.

So today I will balance out a bit of all the recent negativity, by writing down some of the wonderful things that are part of my existence recently. (Although I am really tempted to go off about how much work sucks and how I was riding the bus this morning and it broke down and I had to walk the rest of the way to work and the computer kept crashing and my shoes are full of sand and why the hell isn't it Friday already!?)

Hokay, here we go:

Steve has a new job! I was reluctant to get excited about it too soon, he has been there for just about a week now and it is not quite a sure thing yet... but the feeling of RELIEF, knowing that we once again have two incomes, that is amazing. It is a delivery/driving job, and he works an early morning shift. Which leaves him with free afternoons, much like the days when he slept in until 1 p.m. while unemployed. So I get to see him quite often during my lunch break at 3. The thing not yet worked out, is when he will get to catch up on SLEEP. Bailey cat may have to give him tips on how to get in a good solid afternoon nap when it is a sunny bright day out, and the rest of the world is awake and noisy...

I had just about given up on the job opening at the motorcycle publication place. I thought they should have called me back by now. But Steve convinced me to call them back to schedule a second interview. And I did, and they haven't forgotten about me. So I am still feeling hopeful about that opportunity. I sent out another resume to a company needing a graphics person as well, and will continue to scour the want ads for further possibilities.

Speaking of graphics, I am loving my new trippy green cat layout here. I really should learn html and come up with my own stuff, but I found this design and couldn't resist using it.