My fuzzy little brain. 08/07/02
Another odd day in this bizarre life of mine.
The power is out at work today, so I'm sitting here writing on a piece of scratch paper, for lack of anything better to do. My job is very automated, computer based, as are most things here at the photo lab. Thankfully no film was damaged when the processors went down. A long power outage only happens here about once a year, and usually in the winter.
I'm an odd combination of things: Clumsy, but with good reflexes. I'm graceful, as long as I'm standing still. No sense of direction, getting lost or turned around in my own neighborhood or the shopping mall all the time -- but I remember exactly where on the page I've read something, which side of the page, which paragraph, how far through the book, even how many paragraphs were on the page I read those words from. My memory is odd in that regard; also what information my brain decides to store seems so random. I've got amazingly clear-as-yesterday memories, such as one of an ordinary day when I was a very little kid. Right down to which shoes I was wearing and the toys I played with, I can see them as if they were in front of me, in my little hands with a scratch on one finger from when I'd tried to put a dress on the cat that morning... but I've no idea what I was doing at work a week ago, I couldn't say what I wore Saturday or where I put my ring when I took it off last night.
The oddest contradiction of all is that I'm a lazy perfectionist. I want everything to be exactly just right beautiful but not enough to actually DO anything to create or change things into the ideal state I desire. Once in a while I can get it together. An amazingly lifelike bit of artwork, maybe a spotlessly clean bathroom or a perfectly composed letter to my Dad. More often, I need to overcome my lazy side. Right now I wouldn't mind doing something useful or creative but I'm stuck here waiting for the power to come back on. Maybe I'll draw out the design of some garb I'm wanting to sew, or do some exercises. Sitting still so long has made my muscles stiff and my brain sleepy.
