Things to be done. 07/16/03
Bleary. That's the Word of the Day. Of the week. Blurry-eyed, weary. Maybe I am not getting enough sleep, or it could be I am sleeping well but just never quite waking all the way up. And I wonder if the tiredness is more weariness of the spirit than of the body and brain.
There are the things I have to do. Then there's the things I should do. And of course there's the things I really want to do.
Sleep is something I have to do, in order to survive. It is also something I really want to do. The only other thing I can think of right now that fits in both categories is eating.
The "should do" things are really a grey area. I should do some mending, gardening, and shopping for non-essential boring things. But the holes in our clothes can be held together with safety pins for a while longer. The plants can do okay with just sunshine and water, some of the weeds are even kind of cute. I don't need to buy vitamin tablets or hair bleach or shoe insoles right away. But you know, life would be just that little bit better in many small ways if I did more of the things I should.
I have to pay the bills. Go to work. Pay attention when people are talking to me. Drink enough water. Buy gas for the car and food for the cats. Keep myself looking presentable. Stay awake for at least 12 of every 24 hours... but some days, it is harder to force myself to do these things, and all I want to do is sleep and eat -- to revert back to my cat-self.
I try not to let thoughts of the things that I want to do distract me too much during the workday, and often I can fit enough of them into my "free time" in this busy life, so that my soul does not become too weary. Either with longing or over-work.
Today I want to:
1). Hang out with Steve and my cats and give them all lots of attention and love. (This can also fall into the "should do" category, since giving and receiving love makes the quality of life so much sweeter.)
2). Read more of my book, and occupy my brain with the happenings of SOMEONE ELSE'S life.
3). Lie around on the living room floor and paint my toenails.
4). Surf online, listening to music.
5). Play "Diablo II" on the computer, and satisfy mild homicidal urges by slaughtering zombies which oddly resemble my co-workers.
