Blog, Essays & Art

Contradictions. 01/12/05

I am constantly hungry. I have the appetite of a lion and the metabolism of a turtle.

I long to have a beautiful sports car to drive, instead of taking the bus or walking everywhere. I hate driving and suck at it.

I never want to get married, but I'd love to be the bride at a posh wedding reception. I hate the words "wife" and "Mrs." but I never think of myself as being single. I want him to officially belong to me, but I don't want to be "the little woman" or "his old lady" or the "ball and chain."

I want to be loved and held, to be told I'm beautiful and smart and fun to be around and talk to. But I am wary of being seen as needy or demanding of attention or "high maintenance." I give love and praise just hoping to get it back right when I most need it. But other people are as self-absorbed and insular as I am.

I feel old and tired and haggard on the outside and immature and awkward and daydreamy as a 12-year old on the inside.



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