Blog, Essays & Art

Bravery. 02/23/05

Just for the record, I'd like to say that I do NOT have dandruff; the white specks in my hair and all over the left shoulder of my black sweater are just salt from the bottom of a bag of chips.

I have reached the point where I'm driven to put something in my mouth during my lunch break that is not liquid for once, but make it as low calorie as possible, so yeah, I guess I can deal with some suspiciously rice-cake looking corn crisps. Only about 200 calories total, but damn, that's a lot of sodium. The flavor-salt stuff does not stick to the little styrofoam pucks very well so it all ends up at the bottom of the little bag and then of course being a ravenous beastie I must consume every last particle. Belatedly it dawns on me that tipping the bag up over my head is not wise and I could just have easily poured it into the palm of my hand but whatever.

I want to go dancing sometimes... It takes a bit of bravery to dance in public, to do odd things like wiggling my butt and bouncing my hips and swaying around and convey through confidence the impression that the whole business is natural and graceful and not ridiculous. I am a bit of an exhibitionist however, so I can usually summon up that sort of bravery and go out. Dancing can come much more easily that having a simple conversation with a friend. It just takes such concentration for me to speak naturally and interact verbally with most people. I usually don't put out the effort. It's easier when I'm drunk (well, many things are, including the dancing) yet somehow I'm so inhibited. But now and then I get interested in participating in all the talking going on instead of just listening. I want to summon up some bravery more often, and initiate conversations with somebody other than Steve, in REAL LIFE. Yikes.





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