Blog, Essays & Art

Just me. 11/20/06

Here I am with finally some free time and privacy and computer access, yay!

But I am not sure what I want to put here today. I want to convey the unembellished truth, but hard not to be a storyteller. I feel like I assume a persona when I sit down to write about myself and my life. Either I'm trying to come off as young and girly and fun and cool, or as a hardworking professional woman, or as an insightful intellectual artistic type. If I could only learn how not to write as if for an audience that I'm trying to explain things to, or to entertain.

I want to connect to people, sometimes. As my own self, not only as the smaller, quieter half of a couple. It would be cool to have close friends of my own. I have so much trouble striking up a friendship with other women. Am I too un-emotional? Too infrequent in attempts at connecting? Do I have to call them up and talk on the phone?!? Weird. So forced, awkward, wearisome. Maybe people sense that? Everything gets easier with practice, but I’ve been practicing Social Interaction since I was 16 and I’m still rather inept. The type of people who will approach me, a very reserved person, and will try to get me to talk and get to know me better are rare, and, usually, males who are drawn to me because of how I look rather than truly curious people interested in having new friends. And women, if I find them at all interesting, they tend to be popular types who know a lot of other people they'd rather hang out with than me anyway.


Forward In Time • Main Blog Page • Back In Time