Calling

I’m increasingly aware, through articles online and in magazines, interviews on TV and such, that many people have turned the activities and interests they love, their “passions”, into a career.

From time to time I have wondered if trying to make art, design & hands-on creativity be the skills by which I earn a living is really the most suitable path for me, and which niche of this wide field I could happily thrive in.

Do I have a true passion for anything that’s a marketable skill? Perhaps it’s not even art, but an unexplored path?

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From age 4 to 12, I planned to be an Illustrator. I did a lot of artwork during my spare time in those years, it was as much fun as playing with toys or riding my bike outside. I loved detailed, lifelike illustrations in the books I read, especially those starring anthropomorphic animals, and imagined myself as the next Richard Scarry or Beatrix Potter. Art, Reading, and Creative Writing were my favorite subjects in school. Part of the joy was seeing that my work was among the best of anyone in the class.

I was homeschooled from age 12 to 16, and my mother took charge of my Art education. She was a harsh critic. The class that had been an opportunity for me to show off among other grade-schoolers turned into a subject to be avoided by playing sick and misplacing course material. When I couldn’t get out of it, I wasted time sharpening pencils, staring into space dreaming of escape, mixing paints and swirling brushes around in the turpentine. I still created my own stuff privately, after schoolwork, and primarily enjoyed making sketches of interior and fashion design.

My mother had established the criteria for choosing a college and degree program: A Christian school, an Associate’s Degree program in Commerical Art or Graphic Design, with all funding to be provided through scholarships and loans (no parental contribution required due to financial hardship). I ended up at the age of 17 enrolled in a Commercial Art/Communications/and Bible program at a liberal arts college 2000 miles away in Minnesota.

The summer before starting college, I’d had my first job at a printshop. Interacting with adults who respected my artistic skills gave me some confidence back, yet I knew I was primarily there to learn the trade: printing, pre-press, advertising, marketing. (I felt like a deckhand, observing and absorbing all the skills I’d need in order to someday be the Captain.)

During my 2 years of Design studies, my favorite classes were Typography, Watercolor, Graphic Design 2 (constructing shapes out of cardboard and found objects and painting them with the airbrush), Woodcut Printmaking, Photography, and Computer Graphics (playing with a program similar to Microsoft Paint). There were perhaps 10 other art/design courses I completed, including Illustration, Art History, Sculpture, and Fine Arts Drawing 1, 2 & 3 — but either the professor’s style and coursework didn’t appeal to me, or I found those subjects to involve more tedious work. European History, and English Literature and Composition were newfound interests. Looking back, I realize how limited and behind-the-times my little college was — the Pagemaker layout software (the industry standard at the time) was not a required course for a Design degree, but an elective.

When in college full-time, studying and completing assignments is pretty much your job. So during my years of coursework, art became decidedly “work” and not “play”. Sometimes the work was absorbing and fufilling, but more often I had to force myself to do it. My free time was spent far away from the easel or drafting table. When I created anything not related to an assignment, it was not for the fun of it, but to hopefully impress somebody, or as a self-assigned exercise to refine my skills.

After graduating at 18 and returning home to Nevada, finding work in Graphic Design seemed impossible. I searched daily for a year and a half and wasn’t able to find employment in my field. Since I had to pay rent to my mother during that time, I took a lot of temp jobs. Mindless work, such as stuffing envelopes or packaging cookies off an assembly line, paid the bills. I tried to encourage myself to continue to do artwork during my free time, just to keep in practice, but eventually I stopped carrying around a sketchbook and forcing myself to put something in it anymore. For a time, I experimented with composing poems and song lyrics or writing essays in my head as I worked; sometimes these made it onto paper.

By the time I was 20, I’d managed to buy a car and save up enough money to move out of my mother’s house. Soon after, I persuaded the model railroad factory I‘d been working at to let me be part of their Art Department. I became involved in product design and technical illustration. Experimenting with writing advertising copy and product photography was another new challenge. These parts of the job were less frustrating than the painstaking work with exacto knife, technical pen and wax/rubber cement on illustration board (which was how I spent most working hours). As the company moved more into digital artwork, I quickly learned how to use Photoshop, Illustrator and Quark Xpress. When I left that job to move to California, I had the title of Assistant Art Director, but was still barely earning a living.

Finding work in my new location was almost as difficult as starting out with no experience as a teenager. But I eventually ended up with a job at a photo lab, specializing in Photoshop work. I still did a decent amount of work with page layout in Quark, and a bit of Illustrator, yet thought of myself as a graphic artist who specialized in photo restoration and retouching during this time (my early and mid-twenties). As deadline-driven and mind-numbing as it sometimes was, the work was easy, and producing an image that delighted the customer was satisfying.

Back then, my friends and I were involved in the Society for Creative Anachronism (Middle Ages re-enactment camping events), and I indulged my interest in fashion design by creating velvet and satin gowns for myself and a few tunics for my boyfriend. (I’ve never cared for sewing however, and over the years of creating Medieval Period outfits and Halloween costumes, have come to loathe the actual construction of garments.) I occasionally felt disappointed in myself that I wan’t compelled to other creative ventures, but would force myself now and then to paint a picture for my Dad or make woodcut-print Christmas cards.

As photo editing became easier for people to do for themselves on their home computer, and e-mailing image files to other countries to be retouched by individuals working for a pittance was soon standard practice for the photo lab, I was no longer able to spend my days immersed in Photoshop for a living.

So I decided to put my page layout and copywriting skills to greater use. I quit the photo lab, and took a job at a local newspaper as their Graphics Director. This was a multi-faceted job, as I wrote the Events column, worked with all the photos taken by the reporters, and placed all the copy and images for the articles on the pages. I also built ads and helped with marketing strategy for some of the businesses that advertised in the paper. At this stage in my career, I seemed to have become a print media designer with a high level of expertise in Photoshop and Quark.

A couple years later I moved on to working for a national publication, and further developed my project management skills. I soon observed that some of my co-workers at the company, who were above me in the chain of command, seemed less experienced, intelligent, or motivated than I was. Since it didn’t seem possible that I could move into management at that company myself, I started to dream of having a larger role in another company or perhaps starting a freelance design business of my own.

My next job ended up being an in-house production artist position at the corporate headquarters of a nationwide retail chain of boating supply stores. I’ve now been with this company for 5 years, and I think it’s been the best fit for my skills and interests so far. I’ve gone from production artist lackey to project manager of magazine advertising, and I’m now one of 3 designers who are senior to the production artists. (Corporate culture, and the structure/chain-of-command of a large marketing department often seems needlessly complex and compartmentalized.) I rejoice in the autonomy I now have, yet chafe at the restrictive “Brand Guidelines”. I must say I have felt comfortable being part of a cohesive, respectful team. I’ve taken every opportunity to learn new skills, such as multimedia marketing, and am grateful to my mentors here. But it seems to be time to move on to a more fufilling way of spending 8 hours a day. Frankly, in many ways I was overqualified for this job when I started in 2007.

I have spent my work hours and my free time well over the past 5 years, and am unsure which of the new subjects of interest and study (project management, marketing strategy, social media coordination, etc.) could be a divergent career path, or of use in stepping up in the design world.

There’s always been the temptation to get back into freelance work as well, and dust off my skills at meeting with clients and get back into developing logos, brochures, perhaps even websites eventually. As an occasional, on-the-side source of income, as in times past? Or I could “hang my own shingle” and hope to be able to earn a living as an independent designer, which seems dauntingly risky.

So now, as an exercise for myself, I’ve decided to make a list of things that I truly enjoy, and see if it provides any inspiration as to what I could seek out for my next adventure as a design and marketing professional:

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Enjoyable Things

Playing in Photoshop with effects, filters, transformations, modes, etc

Having found the ideal solution to a problem, and the satisfaction that comes from figuring it out without the help of others

Discovering a new method/trick/shortcut that is easy to apply and produces high-quality results

Looking at fonts, choosing the right one/combination

Working with deep, rich colors – and/or intense, vivid colors;
thinking up/discovering color combinations and finding something just right for a project

Using breathtaking, dynamic, or at least eye-catching photography as a large element in a design

Reading well-written, clever and/or insightful copy, and attempting to write my own

Taking pictures of cats, boats, figurines & toys, flowers, landscapes, myself

Doodling ornamental objects, animals, plants, mountains, etc., and writing in cursive, which sometimes turns into illustration or hand-lettering

Coming up with outfits, also dreaming up new garments & looks, and sometimes sketching these

Managing a project that involves working alongside competent peers

Succeeding in conveying my thoughts, insights, design concepts, or frustrations, despite being naturally reserved and unused to public speaking

Having co-workers who treat me as a highly skilled, intelligent, responsible adult

Helping others succeed, and earning their admiration

Rejoicing in the advances of technology, and succeeding at figuring out how to use the latest/coolest hardware & software

Knowing that something I have had a hand in creating will be appreciated by a large audience or be helpful to many clients/consumers.

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Now, after reading through that list, and all the previous paragraphs detailing my history, I am starting to think that the concept of a single “calling” or well-defined career path may be too narrow.

Perhaps I should continue on as I have been for a while: not deciding to specialize in a particular niche and just learning whatever strikes my fancy, doing whatever side projects appeal to me, while refining and perfecting the skills/knowledge base that I own here at my current job.

The only passion that stands out at the moment is that of exploration: So many options, paths in life to venture down. Maybe my only calling at this time is simply to be an explorer.